The War on Terror

Dear War on Terror,

You have cost over $1 trillion dollars.

What I would have done with the money instead:

- Build one indoor, heated Olympic-sized swimming pool in each county in Wyoming (23), hire world-class trainers and turn all cowboys into swimmers, ensuring our future success in the sport. Cost = $204 million. Money left = $999.8 billion.

- Move the state of Nebraska three feet to the right. Why? Just because. Cost = $930 million. Money left = $998.9 billion

- One year, in the month of July, institute a Free Taco Tuesday and Free Chalupa Wednesday at every Taco Bell (6,446 nationwide). Cost = $30.3 billion, assuming people eat a lot. Money left = $968.6 billion

- To improve education, buy the top 10% of Chinese students (about 6.5 million) and transfer them to the US and ship our worst 30% of students to Greenland. Cost = $250 billion in transfer, relocation and human trafficking fees. Money left = $718.6 billion

- One free movie ticket for every American to see Thor. Cost = $3.5 billion. Money left = $715 billion

- Buyout and shut down every Little Caeser's pizzeria because their pizza is disgusting. Cost = $80 billion. Money left = $638.6 billion

- Give every college student who graduated in Philosophy $25,000 to go back to school and get a degree that will enable them get a job. Cost = $12.5 billion. Money left = $626 billion

- Unlimited free puppies. Cost = $50 billion. Money left = $576 billion

- Launch an irrational war on the moon. Cost = $304 billion. Money left = $272 billion

- Eradication of acne from the West Coast. Cost = $67 billion. Money left = $205 billion

- Release all 1+ million US prisoners, buying each a plane ticket to Pakistan, with the reward that whoever killed Osama Bin Ladin would be given $1 billion and a plane ticket back to the US. Cost = negligible with all the money saved from not having prisoners anymore. Money left = $205 billion

- Offer each US citizen a "buy one Eiffel Tower, get the second one free" promotion. Cost = $43 billion. Money left = $162 billion

- Move Nebraska back to its original location to appease the rioters. Cost = $930 million. Money left = $161 billion

- Give the Make a Wish Foundation organization one wish. Cost = $1 million to $161 billion, depending on their level of greed. Money left = not sure, but whatever is there, I'm stealing at this point.

On second thought, that stuff isn't that good, I would have rather had some wars that killed tens of thousands of people.

Sincerely,

Common Sense