Thanks for keeping cocaine out of our parks and putting cocaine where it belongs: just outside of our parks, across the street. I know I don't want marijuana near our schools; I prefer that it be kept to the neighborhoods not nearby our schools.
Without you, Drug Free Zone, we would not know that we can't have drugs in certain places. True, drugs aren't technically allowed anywhere, but it is nice to reinforce the concept. Since I home-school my fictional children, I have made my house an official Drug Free School Zone, sign and all:
No drugs in my house are allowed. I am also making my house a:
- "Murder Free" Territory
- "Rape Is Not Okay" Place
and a
- "Music Sharing Does Not Violate Copyright Law As Long As The Artist is Dead" Joint
And let me tell you, ever since I put up said signs clarifying my position on already illegal activities, rapes and murders in my house have plummeted. If you want to take your rape and murder outside my house, so be it, but it will not be tolerated as long as you are under my roof. Oh, and don't ever forget: no drugs either.
Sincerely,
Keeper of the Grounds
So, that explains a lot. I was wondering why my home crime rate was on the rise. I need to get me some signs!
ReplyDeletelol love the sarcasm. i should put a sign up and see what people do haha
ReplyDeleteMurder and Crack have been a big problem in my house... I wonder if I should make a sign. :)
ReplyDeleteLove the state gov drug laws. Just say no over here.
ReplyDeleteMy house is drug-and murder free, too.
ReplyDeleteHehe... yes...
if every home followed your example then we would not have any drugs/rapes/murders!
ReplyDeletewell, with the exception of homeless people, but you can fix that with a homless-free sign i guess?
homeless free zone...love it^
ReplyDeletewell, good for you bro :P!
ReplyDeletegood example for all of us
I am sure you will get a discount if you bulk order the signs. Where do I purchase them?
ReplyDeleteBTW...made you blog of the day.
ReplyDeleteBurning a hoot at the top of the swirly slide or on the swings is the best place though! What does it matter if it's night time and there's no kids around?
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've ever been to a "drug free zone."
ReplyDeleteNow, a "free drug zone," that's a different story.
I have just found your blog and this post made me laugh so much that a little coffee came out of my mouth and down my front, not to mention the little bit of urine that also came out... (not from my mouth clearly!)but you don't really need to know that!
ReplyDeleteVery funny!
thats okay, we can still rob ur place right?
ReplyDelete@Tony, you should rob his sign.
ReplyDeleteSo. Damn. Funny. Best one yet.
ReplyDeleteDrugs should be gone away from children zones!
ReplyDeleteI remember those signs. My favorite was the Nancy Reagan commercial. Or better yet the guy with the egg. "This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs."
ReplyDeleteIf only signboards could change the world, life would be perfect :D
ReplyDeleteHahah, I love your zone ideas!
ReplyDelete:D haha...my house is porn free...lol
ReplyDeletestupid signs!
Hot plates? Does your house take hot plates?
ReplyDeleteThere is a 'alcohol' free zone sign on some of the roads in our street, and also a 'no loitering sign', but I never hang around long enough to see if anyone is taking notice....
ReplyDeleteI bow in deference to your genius, truly.
ReplyDeletethat's great
ReplyDeleteWe have drawn hard lines in our home, as well. We went old school banning burglary and assault, as well -- Haha
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, I have never understood those zones. Does that mean it is legal outside of those zones? No. Then what is the purpose of the zone? I do not know!
:-)
Traci
Your hilarious, not a lot makes me laugh, but just burst out laughing reading your post,love it.
ReplyDeleteHaha "rape free zone", awful, but genius. While we are on it, why not add a "No Affliction T-Shirt Area". That would improve the communities of Amuurica vastly. Love your random blog!
ReplyDeletehaha that is crazy
ReplyDeleteHaha, man, you are so right on this one! +1
ReplyDeleteThat sign would deffenetly stop me from doing drugs in the school zone!
ReplyDelete