Neighbor with Unprotected Wireless Internet

Dear Neighbor with Unprotected Wireless Internet,

Things were good for so long. No password and no problem. I don't think you have ever had any idea that I was using your wireless Internet, and how could you -- you didn't even manage to set up a password. And then everything changed.

You didn't set up a password, but someone moved the router, I can tell. I remember the day, it was the day I couldn't check my email. The bars went down and so did my access.

Please, I don't know who you are or where you live, but can you please move your router back to its previous position? Perhaps you rotated it a little and have unknowingly created another obstruction. Perhaps you moved the computer. Perhaps you have added walls to the house. I don't know what it is, but it's a problem.

You don't need that router all to yourself. Read this letter, and let us go back to the way things were in our glory days.

Sincerely,

Your Neighbor

White Basketballers

Dear White Basketball Players,

What you lack in fast-twitch muscles, you make up for in fan affection. We know you've already overachieved... or that you are really, really tall, and speed and jumping ability don't matter that much anymore -- either way, we look up to you, white basketball players.

You break stereotypes every time you are good. There was a time when the stereotype wasn't so. All the best players were white... at least in the sense that society was racist and no one else had an opportunity. Yes, you had your moment in the sun -- it was the 1940s or 50s. You may be sad it's over, white basketball players, but in reality, doctors didn't know as much about skin cancer back then, so in a way it's good that you are now out of the sun. I guess I'm saying that you wouldn't be able to handle the ultraviolet sun exposure anyway so you might as well not be in the spotlight. I hope you're following this, white basketball players. On a related note, aloe vera gel is a beautiful thing.

When sociologists speak of white flight, they aren't talking about you guys. Indeed, Levar Burton used to sing, 'White guy in the sky, I can fly twice as high. So take a look, it's in a book, called modern racial makeup of the NBA.'

But don't let that bother you --

You are white. You still play ball.

Good on ya.

Sincerely,

Racial Athletic Expectations

Abandoned Blogs

Dear Abandoned Blog,

You're alone. Yet, you aren't. There are so many of you; each with its own domain name -- its own space and place. But abandoned nonetheless.

You began with optimism and hope. We all thought you'd go the distance, blog. We never thought your contributors would forget or get lazy or realize they didn't want so much of their personal lives out in the public... or maybe they finally noticed no one was reading you and it caused them to pause. That's probably what happened. And therefore, few, if any, care that you were abandoned.... but every once in a while, a reader does come to your space on the Internets, only to notice your last update was in 2005. Your current events are archives.

It's not unique to be abandoned; but unlike an abandoned toy or pet, your memory is digital, and thus, forever. An abandoned tortoise dies. An abandoned blog haunts. There's an old Chinese proverb that says something like that I believe.

Abandoned blog, you suck.

Sincerely,

The Internets