Monday, January 17, 2011

The Hot Girl I Didn't Approach

Dear Hot Girl I Didn't Approach,

You had me at "____"... because we never talked. That was the problem.

Maybe we would have gotten married. Maybe we could have shared a moment. Maybe it was meant to be. Perhaps, our children would have been beautiful. Yeah, they could have been the kind of kids that are so attractive talent scouts pop out of the fireplace during dinner and kidnap them to cast them for hit TV shows... and then they would get famous and addicted to cocaine by the age of 6 and end up suing us. All of these things could have happened... but they didn't and it's all your fault.

Of course, maybe it wouldn't have been a great experience. Maybe it would have been memorably awkward, a disaster that would have been retold for generations. At least something would have happened, though -- but it didn't! And it's your fault that it didn't happen, too! Exclamation points!!! If you had been slightly less attractive I might have had the gusto to approach you. Shame on you, hot girl. Shame on you and the genes you probably got from your parents, or more specifically, your Mom, because you didn't look that much like a man. Shame on you and shame on your Mother and shame on your Father for courting your Mother.

I will never see you again. Even if I do, I probably won't recognize you because as of this writing, it's been some hours since I saw you and can't remember what you look like -- just that you were hot. That may or may not be a help in the future. The next time I see someone who is really hot, I will pretend it is you and we can do this "I'll consider approaching you but then won't thing" all over again.

Until then,

The Guy Who Made Eye Contact With You for One Half Second Today


  1. I was going to write a complete comment but if I did it may or may not have set off a chain of events that may or may not have

  2. Dear DBS, this is the best comment you may or may have not written on any of my posts. Thank you.

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