Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Little League

Dear Little League,

I remember the year the coaches stopped pitching and the kids started pitching. That was the year I started getting hit with the ball. And then I started being afraid of the ball.

I think my batting average went from .759 to about .195, a precipitous drop to say the least.

Or maybe it wasn't the kids pitching that threw me off. It could have the slow abandonment of chants, such as "Hey, Batter Batter, Hey Batter Batter, Swing" or "First Base Look at Me, I'm a Monkey in a Tree," and of course -- "We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher!"

Yeah, on second thought, I think that was what it was.

Sincerely,

Little Leaguers Just Like Me



16 comments:

  1. Hello James:
    We do not do sport so tummy tickling seems far more preferable to us!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Many a people seek therapy later in life because of just this thing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a sad story. Bullies and their chants costed America a player.
    Didnt see moneyball movie, Peter Brand and Billy were looking for you. :)

    Confession: I dont know anything about baseball, but I can relate to this post. I was a shuttle player before I become a volleyball player because I couldnt handle the criticism about my skirt and my butt/boob swing as a single player.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I don't really know much about baseball, but chants make everything more fun.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Never got past tee-ball. My hand-eye coordination is so bad I'd always end up hitting the tee. But kickball? If only there were a professional kickball league I could dominate.

    ReplyDelete
  6. nice read.baseball is so unpopular here....

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wonderful topic.

    I have always been an advocate for coaches pitching. It is bad enough getting hit in the face while fielding a ground ball on the equivalent of a cow pasture field, but thinking more about ducking than hitting is a problem.

    ReplyDelete
  8. It's good to learn this letter applies to almost none of my readers. Thank you for your feedback. Noted.

    ReplyDelete
  9. It's a cutthroat world out there ain't it?

    ReplyDelete
  10. I became famous as the kid who was always hit. (Kinda like the kid version of Craig Biggio.) I was once used as a pinch hitter with base-loaded. I was hit and we won the game.

    My Batting average likewise dropped dramatically, but my OBP stayed very high.

    Good luck this weekend at your show.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Not only did I have poor hand-eye coordination, but I had terrible reflexes as a kid, which is one of the reasons I caught a little league pitch to the face that tooth-sliced the shit out of my cheeks. I promptly quit beisbal.

    ReplyDelete
  12. @ Dave, this is epic.

    @ beer, this is also epic.

    ReplyDelete
  13. baseball: I admit I just don't get it. Funny post :)

    ReplyDelete