Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Cap'n Crunch


Dear Cap'n Crunch,

Thank you for ripping the roof of my mouth to smithereens.

Cap'n Crunch, you are the cheese grater of cereals. Sometimes I tell myself, "my mouth is feeling a little too smooth" -- and that's when I go to you, my sugar-laden dice-o-matic. Is there any way we can just rename you Cap'n Mouth Dynamite or Cap'n Serrated Squares?

Ummm... delicious, you are just what I want for breakfast, Cap'n Crunch, a nice helping of mouth sandpaper. For lunch, I think I'll finish the job with a piping hot pizza whose sauce will burn whatever you manage to leave behind unscathed. And then for dinner, I can drink some vinegar. Ummm... delicious.

Just because it's called breakfast doesn't give you the right to actually break me.

Sincerely,

My Mouth
Fact: Cap'n Crunch used to be call Serg'n Splinter....
but was upgraded in military rank for its extreme mouth-destroying skills

Posted by at
Labels: , , , , ,

13 comments:

  1. UnknownNovember 2, 2011 at 6:11 PM

    This letter speaks the truth. I hope to one day soon reunite the captain once again.

    ReplyDelete
  2. GiaNovember 2, 2011 at 7:46 PM

    Hahahah, the "cheese grater of cereals." You're right though, it is kinda sharp and rippy. But in a really satisfying way. Is it weird I think that?

    ReplyDelete
  3. DB StewartNovember 2, 2011 at 7:48 PM

    What was it Captain Crunch and his wife Tennille sang? Love will keep my mouth Shredded.

    ReplyDelete
  4. PickleopeNovember 3, 2011 at 4:02 AM

    But the flavor is so good I just can't quit you Cap'n, despite your weird inability to spell the full word "Captain".

    ReplyDelete
  5. SlamdunkNovember 3, 2011 at 6:41 AM

    Ha, I get those nicks from Frosted Flakes as well.

    ReplyDelete
  6. DouglasNovember 3, 2011 at 7:35 AM

    I steer clear of such cereal. Can't resist sweets, though.

    ReplyDelete
  7. BerserculesNovember 3, 2011 at 1:08 PM

    Dear Captain Cruch
            Thanks for being the only cerial I still eat. The others got boring and I gave them up for eggs and bacon or pancakes. But you! You are still great!
             Sincerely Bersercules

    ReplyDelete
  8. AlphabetaNovember 3, 2011 at 3:49 PM

    Heh - very witty.

    ReplyDelete
  9. karensomethingorotherNovember 3, 2011 at 5:58 PM

    have you not met FROSTED FLAKES??? Yow.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Maggie Asfahani HajjNovember 6, 2011 at 11:33 PM

    As an old person, I stick with cereals that have the consistency of gruel, so I know not of what you speak.

    ReplyDelete
  11. A Beer for the ShowerNovember 7, 2011 at 5:45 AM

    I'm pretty sure the diabetes will do me in before the scraped mouth does. Or diabeetus, if you're in the Wilford Brimley circle.

    ReplyDelete
  12. SuzeNovember 7, 2011 at 5:54 AM

    You need a kinder, gentler breakfast, Little John.

    ReplyDelete
  13. CurlyNovember 9, 2011 at 1:47 AM

    I haven't had Captain Crunch for ages... :-D
    I'm with Suze on this one! :-)

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)