Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Cap'n Crunch

Dear Cap'n Crunch,

Thank you for ripping the roof of my mouth to smithereens.

Cap'n Crunch, you are the cheese grater of cereals. Sometimes I tell myself, "my mouth is feeling a little too smooth" -- and that's when I go to you, my sugar-laden dice-o-matic. Is there any way we can just rename you Cap'n Mouth Dynamite or Cap'n Serrated Squares?

Ummm... delicious, you are just what I want for breakfast, Cap'n Crunch, a nice helping of mouth sandpaper. For lunch, I think I'll finish the job with a piping hot pizza whose sauce will burn whatever you manage to leave behind unscathed. And then for dinner, I can drink some vinegar. Ummm... delicious.

Just because it's called breakfast doesn't give you the right to actually break me.


My Mouth
Fact: Cap'n Crunch used to be call Serg'n Splinter....
but was upgraded in military rank for its extreme mouth-destroying skills


  1. This letter speaks the truth. I hope to one day soon reunite the captain once again.

  2. Hahahah, the "cheese grater of cereals." You're right though, it is kinda sharp and rippy. But in a really satisfying way. Is it weird I think that?

  3. What was it Captain Crunch and his wife Tennille sang? Love will keep my mouth Shredded.

  4. But the flavor is so good I just can't quit you Cap'n, despite your weird inability to spell the full word "Captain".

  5. Ha, I get those nicks from Frosted Flakes as well.

  6. I steer clear of such cereal. Can't resist sweets, though.

  7. Dear Captain Cruch
            Thanks for being the only cerial I still eat. The others got boring and I gave them up for eggs and bacon or pancakes. But you! You are still great!
             Sincerely Bersercules

  8. As an old person, I stick with cereals that have the consistency of gruel, so I know not of what you speak.

  9. I'm pretty sure the diabetes will do me in before the scraped mouth does. Or diabeetus, if you're in the Wilford Brimley circle.

  10. You need a kinder, gentler breakfast, Little John.

  11. I haven't had Captain Crunch for ages... :-D
    I'm with Suze on this one! :-)