Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Cap'n Crunch


Dear Cap'n Crunch,

Thank you for ripping the roof of my mouth to smithereens.

Cap'n Crunch, you are the cheese grater of cereals. Sometimes I tell myself, "my mouth is feeling a little too smooth" -- and that's when I go to you, my sugar-laden dice-o-matic. Is there any way we can just rename you Cap'n Mouth Dynamite or Cap'n Serrated Squares?

Ummm... delicious, you are just what I want for breakfast, Cap'n Crunch, a nice helping of mouth sandpaper. For lunch, I think I'll finish the job with a piping hot pizza whose sauce will burn whatever you manage to leave behind unscathed. And then for dinner, I can drink some vinegar. Ummm... delicious.

Just because it's called breakfast doesn't give you the right to actually break me.

Sincerely,

My Mouth
Fact: Cap'n Crunch used to be call Serg'n Splinter....
but was upgraded in military rank for its extreme mouth-destroying skills

13 comments:

  1. This letter speaks the truth. I hope to one day soon reunite the captain once again.

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  2. Hahahah, the "cheese grater of cereals." You're right though, it is kinda sharp and rippy. But in a really satisfying way. Is it weird I think that?

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  3. What was it Captain Crunch and his wife Tennille sang? Love will keep my mouth Shredded.

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  4. But the flavor is so good I just can't quit you Cap'n, despite your weird inability to spell the full word "Captain".

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  5. Ha, I get those nicks from Frosted Flakes as well.

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  6. I steer clear of such cereal. Can't resist sweets, though.

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  7. Dear Captain Cruch
            Thanks for being the only cerial I still eat. The others got boring and I gave them up for eggs and bacon or pancakes. But you! You are still great!
             Sincerely Bersercules

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  8. As an old person, I stick with cereals that have the consistency of gruel, so I know not of what you speak.

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  9. I'm pretty sure the diabetes will do me in before the scraped mouth does. Or diabeetus, if you're in the Wilford Brimley circle.

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  10. You need a kinder, gentler breakfast, Little John.

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  11. I haven't had Captain Crunch for ages... :-D
    I'm with Suze on this one! :-)

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