Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Terrorists


Dear Terrorists,

I know your strategy. Instill fear, make us nervous, scare us. If we are afraid, you win. If I am afraid to fly... you win.

That's why I'm not afraid to fly. In fact, I fly all the time. I even crash the planes I fly (which is easy because I'm not a trained pilot) just to prove that I'm not afraid of flying. I do it regularly. Nothing phases me anymore, terrorists. I refuse to let you win.

And that's why I'm not afraid of a pipe bomb under my car. How do I know I'm not afraid? I put a pipe bomb under my car just last week. NBD. You hear that? NBD. I'm not afraid of blowing up in my vehicle because I've already been down that road. Baby, that don't phase me.

Do I fear the public water supply being contaminated with biological weapons? Let me answer that question with a question of my own: if I was afraid would I poison my own neighborhood's water? Of course I wouldn't.

Sorry terrorists, but this is one battle you can't win. I have no fear.* Your tactics will not affect my life.

However, I do need to find a new car... and go to the hospital... and find a way to pay for those planes.

Sincerely,

The UnTerrorizable Man

*Literally, I own the shirts.


32 comments:

  1. So do you have to become a terrorist in order to beat the terrorists?

    ReplyDelete
  2. That was a very open letter. You are definitely unterrorizable! I like this post, good job, that was great :).

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmmm... not so sure these tactics would work. BUT, a very funny letter!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Miss Teacher,

    These tactics work perfectly and I defy you to provide evidence as to why they would not work.

    Dear Angela,

    It is one of the only ways.

    Dear Neatfit,

    What is that a picture of in your icon?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Good one and very funny.
    Wanna hide bomb in shoes go ahead , I can strip till my sock and wanna hide bomb in underwear yeah go head and do that, who cares if TSA sees me nude or gropes me.
    That "no fear" t-shirt looks perfect :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Do you think terrorists wear No Fear shirts?

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm such a rookie. NBD? (No Body Died??) Hmm... Maybe your next open letter should be to chicks that don't get seemingly obvious abbreviations!! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  8. If we keep paying attention to Nancy Grace then the terrorists win!

    ReplyDelete
  9. @DBS -- haha

    @Dreamer -- NBD stands for no bid deal

    @Hanna -- i like to think so

    ReplyDelete
  10. Haha, 'I defy you to provide evidence as to why they would not work'
    Because normally when I have great plans and ideas, then try to go through with them, something always goes wrong or they just don't work.
    Not much chance of survival with these tactics if I'm on your team!
    PS. I want a signed No Fear Tshirt from you!

    ReplyDelete
  11. That's the same reason I'm not afraid of Big Dogs, I own the shirt (I hate myself for that joke).
    That's why I carry a tactical briefcase nuke (Hi, NSA, CIA, and FBI, I don't really have one of those).
    By the way, if people aren't reading the comments, I'd say they're missing out on half the fun. Your responses are great.

    ReplyDelete
  12. no fear! :) we live among terrorists now...

    ReplyDelete
  13. I don't fear terrorists, terrorists fear me...

    Or something like that.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Respect. But have you tried the No Fear energy drink? That shit made me fear for my taste buds.

    ReplyDelete
  15. There is nothing to fear but fear its self!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Have your neighbours recovered? Do they think you're a terrorist?

    ReplyDelete
  17. @Dr. Rob Rob -- my neighbours have not recovered, but my neighbors have. I specifically targeted my attacks at my British neighbours who spell with the u first. Sorry, but I'm suspicious of all foreigners. Do they think I'm a terrorist? I think they're dead.

    @everybody else between my last set of @'s and this one -- yes

    ReplyDelete
  18. Unterroziable man... more like badass. Haha, great post.

    ReplyDelete
  19. J. Littlejohn I don't blame you for targeting and being suspicious of foreigners they're so, so... well foreign, but without them we'd be stuffed we'd have to target and hate ourselves. You should always put a little u in your neighbors, stops them from thinking your a blood thirsty foreign terrorist!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hello James:
    Well, we are afraid, very afraid,not particularly of terrorists, we must add but of flying most certainly. No matter how many times we tell ourselves that we are in the safest place once cocooned in the metal bullet, we are still afraid. No matter how many times we tell ourselves that we are 1000 times more likely to come to some hideous end on the motorways of Britain than in a plane, we are still afraid. However, we do not have THE t-shirt. Do you think, dear James, that this is where we are going wrong? If so, please tell us where we can get one and we shall be your forever friends!!!

    Thank you so much for leaving a comment on our blog to which we have replied and through which we have found and Followed you. We hope that we
    shall entice you back again one day!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I think I shall set my twin 9 year old girls upon you when they are in one of their moods, and see how unterrorizable you are...!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Dear Maggie, even my fearlessness has its bounds.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I think Miss teacher has a point. in fact, I think such words may just provoke a response.

    Well, maybe i didnt think this through. More likely thats exactly what "The UnTerrorizable Man" was looking to accomplish.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Well if terrorist do their thing shit happens, its much more likely to die in a car accident anyways.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I just wrote a blog about "Fear Factor." You would own that show.

    ReplyDelete
  26. terrorism should be killed and not terrorists.this post is wonderful....and thank you so much for visiting my blog
    good day:)

    ReplyDelete