Tuesday, June 14, 2011

People Who Want to Make This Country Safer

Dear Safety-Conscious Citizens,

Because Christmas is right around the corner, I'd like to share my feelings on gun control. You see, Christmas at my house doesn't begin until the clay pigeons come out. Partridge in a pear tree? Not for long -- we're gunning that partridge down and having a holiday feast. A lot of people dislike guns because they kill people. But so do bullets folks. If you want to legislate guns, you have to start legislating homicide, and that's a slippery slope my friends --a slippery slope indeed.

As for me, the debate starts where America started: on the frontier. I have some very close relatives, who on their own conscience, have decided to shun the commercials trappings of civility and live in the mountains. They eat meat. They don't kill for sport, but don't think for one second they couldn't. Anyway, last week one of my forest relatives who lives in a pine-needle lean-to, a man with nothing but the flannel on his back, sent me a very interesting text message. This text shared his frustration with the constant harassment from "rangers" for his gun permits. This man can barely read the second amendment, and here he is supposed to know about licenses. He got fined for shooting a bear and finishing the job with a bayonet because he lacked the proper documentation! Unbelievable.

Gun control is making America safer, for the bears who want to kill us all. This is bad form.

I know what you are thinking: what can I do to make a difference? How can I make America safer? I suggest showing your support for my family this holiday season by supporting your own families, giving them semi-automatics --the perfect stocking stuffer. And may we all be safe with our guns. There are plenty of psychos out there.


A Fellow American


  1. I've honestly been considering getting a consealed weapons permit... not sure if I will though. We'll see. :)

  2. whether or not you get a permit, I hope you have learned from this article that you need a gun

  3. here is some food for thought:


  4. we have a different take on 'all the pyschos just waiting to kill you' here in canadaland. Just sayin'.

  5. Dear Karensomethingorother,

    Thanks for stopping by! Though I have to warn you it's very dangerous to take anything I write on this blog seriously/literally/etc...